by William Samuel
A LETTER ABOUT HARMONY IN MARRIAGE
You write that your husband does not understand you, doesn't do little things for you as he once did, doesn't know you exist, isn't attentive to the children, doesn't do his share toward raising them, and "doesn't think about anything but his business."
Also, you write that you have been "very diligent and specific in attacking each of these problems," yet all the work you have done to overcome them has been to no avail and now you are "completely miserable." (Little wonder!)
There is the story of a man who dreamt every night he was being chased by a bevy of lovely ladies. Before the girls could catch him, a vicious tiger suddenly appeared in the dream and jumped on his back. At this point he always awakened in terror. Night after night, the same dream repeated until the man went to a psychiatrist and told him the story.
"Yes, I understand," said the doctor. "You want to get rid of the terrible dream."
"Oh, no!" the man replied. "I want you to get rid of the tiger so those ladies can catch me!"
To do battle with a specific set of images within Awareness is just such senseless manipulation. It is the effort to have the picture turn out the way Mary wants it to, or as Mary thinks it should. It is an effort to be rid of the tiger in the dream—all of which still leaves the dream going on. Perhaps a well-directed, well-manipulated dream is to be preferred to a nightmare, but it does not compare to the Tranquility in which there is neither sleep, dreamer nor dream.
Sooner or later, often in desperation, we are forced to forsake every value attached to the picture. This is never done while still doing battle with a specific aspect of the picture.
If Mary believes something is wrong, the wrong lies with the one called Mary and her personal sense of Self. There is nothing wrong with husband "out there."
Surprised? Don't be. The instant you recognize and acknowledge your actual Identity, which is not Mary at all, Mary's present hurts and frustrations will stop bothering you; and when you start responding to Mary's opinions as valueless opinions (instead of power-full opinions) they will stop appearing to attempt (tempt) to bother you!
You cannot be Mary actually, no matter how hard you try. No matter how much you may love her and enjoy playing her role, judge-Mary is not your Identity. Who, then, are you? You are Awareness itself—Awareness.
But who is Mary? She is the judge and the opinion holder; she is the dream-ego, the phantom, the nothing, who acts as though she contains Awareness within her as her personal possession. (Now, listen!) Your actual Identity is this selfsame Awareness, but it is not possessed, has never been contained within a body and, indeed, couldn't be!
Poor, suffering Mary is an impossible identity, a man-made personality, who believes she has a will and mind of her own, a mind that is being aware for Mary; a mind which she says owns the consciousness of these words. Is this not what the intellect says? "I am someone who is aware and conscious. Awareness is the activity of my mind, and I, Mary, (or Bill) want it to be aware of what I, Mary, want so see and hear. If I do not see what I want to see, I call its absence 'bad' and I am upset about it. When my mind doesn't show me a husband who is attentive to me and mine, I, owner of that mind, am completely miserable. I cannot be happy until I see my husband do such and such, or stop doing such and so."
Dear one, since "your" Identity is Awareness, undeniably the activity of Mind, this Awareness-we-are is the awareness of the Divine Mind, God! What greater birthright could we have than to be God's own consciousness of Himself?
There is one God; hence, one awareness, holy and divine. That one is this one, conscious of these words. You are it (this) and this (it) is you—not a possession of Bill's or Mary's Awareness (you) belongs to God! And (listen!) God is responsible for it!
We stop making demands of all seen and experienced within Awareness. We stop playing the judge of everything included within the Identity being this Consciousness-I-am. We be what we are—Awareness! Dare to be Awareness only! Behold as Awareness—without judgment, without opinion, without motive! End Mary's say-so in the matter!
(The one to whom this letter was sent now has the happiest home that can be imagined, as all who visit her know.)
To define Love in one word, we might use Tranquility.
Inasmuch as Love, Tranquility, joy, is God, Self-identified, we can be certain that Love, Tranquility, joy is universal everywhere!
Love is an inherent aspect of every object of perception included within (as) Awareness. The appearance of the broken pencil sharpener in disarray and dust is as joy inducing as the sight of sunset and still water from Lollygog's window.
The spattered bucket and wrinkled papers about my feet are as lovely and awe inspiring as the leafy slopes along the silent Coosa. Why? Because Isness, Deity, Reality, is being all there is to every sight and sound, every leaf and berry, every footprint and fleecy cloud within this Awareness!
Tranquility is not a seldom induced feeling; Tranquility is Identity! Tranquility is who and what I am, always! Tranquility is not dependent upon what is seen or experienced; it is one's very own presence and being; it is one's Self, one's Identity! I cannot escape from myself; neither can I escape from Tranquility.
What is there to do? Only to stop looking for things to trigger happiness; to stop looking for certain people or experiences to give, or induce a feeling of serenity and love. Why should we keep on giving images the authority to give or withhold that which we already are—our own Identity? When we "begin to end" this monkey business, we are not far from the continual conscious experience of Tranquility, Peace, joy and Love everlasting.
God, alone, total and all, is the Lover! The Love my bounding heart "feels" for all I see is God's love for the universe Reality, self-identified!
To "love God with all thy heart and all thy soul and mind" is simply to be honest and stop playing the part of another who attempts to co-exist with God.
To love is to claim Awareness to be our Identity. To take this true Identity to be the Self-I-am is the Holy Matrimony for which marriage is the appearing.