I just received the most beautiful note from a dear Child Heart Angie.
one who has found It
With her permission, I do want to share it with all of you:
to: Sandy Jones
Sent: Tuesday, July 29, 2014 1:00 PM
Subject: Right or wrong I'm happy!
HI Sandy,
I'm just going to write down what comes as it comes about my experience of finding the Child and how it is SO different than what I was going through while studying nonduality and seeking and trying and striving to "find it.'
Here goes...
First off the trying to "it" I was trying to find IS THE CHILD!
That of course I already am and always was but did not KNOW it.
As I was searching to Find "it" there was misery. Yes at times a lessening of misery and some type of a peace.
HOWEVER,
Looking back on it, I liken that to this....It was like sitting in one of the deck chairs on the Titanic while trying to “silently witness and accept without resistant” that I'm going down on this sinking ship!
And I could find glimpses of peace. And yes, I suppose that IS better than running around the deck consumed with terror, arms flailing screaming “I’m gonna die! I’m gonna die”
....BUT....
Finding the Child is like NOT BEING ON THE TITANIC AT ALL!
Somehow there is just not the yucky stuff to have to “silently witness” and “observe with non attachment.” For some reason I don’t have to “just being with what is”.
Because “what is” is WONDERFUL!! No thought about “being with it”. In some way without even thinking about it I AM WHAT IS and ALL THAT IS and yet I am, without thinking WITH what is. ALL one. All seemlessly One. It’s the two that is one.
The CHILD does not have to be the “witness”, the “silent observer” who observes his emotions and thoughts. NOPE not at all. Doing all that would just get in the way of the joy of it all. That would be throwing away the Child that is FOUND to once again search FOR the CHILD.
When I was a child, I'm sure things were going on that the me, as the adult, would not have wanted to happen.
But as a child somehow I was just untouched and free of it all.
And THAT is the CHILD that we ARE. Our true nature!
Nondual teachings had their place and time for me. BUT those teachings were pointing me to the CHILD, that I already was and is and am already.
. The Child does not have to go around asking “who am I’, who am I, who am I?
The Child IS the “who am I”
Once I find the “who am I”, I no longer have to ask it. In fact that would be jumping back into insanity again.
Did you ever see a Child wondering “who am I”?
No, the Child just IS what it IS. It’s the BEING AND LIVING OF IT.
That’s why finding the Child that we were as children helps us to remember the CHILD that we are. The Child that we were when little children was more closer to this pure awareness that all the teachers talk about.
There was not much of a “story” as teachers talk about. I had not lived long enough yet to have much of a “story”. I was just FREE and Happy and all was what it was and I was what I was.
So when you can remember and FEEL and BE that way you were as a Child you come close to your true SELF.
I remember the day the CHILD heart of me came alive.
I was and had been so MISERABLE with my study of nonduality and the seeking of it all. It had gone on for YEARS. I had been studying teachers even before they became main stream and popular and had been seeking, seeking, trying and straining. Then even trying to "give up the search". lol
Trying to "give up the search" in order to find what I was searching for!! lol
That morning I had been FEELING the CHild though. Ever so slightly. There were glimpses and glimmers. Like the way when I was a child sitting in the clover watching my pet rabbit eat. The way the breeze felt the way the Sun looked. The way the LIGHT looked. And it was more than remembering it the FEELING of it was RELIVING the Child.
Anyway, I was worn out with thinking and wondering "is the child the correct teachings"? Is this really nondual? Is this the highest teaching about the Child?
Finally I went to the store to by a pack of cigarettes and I just sort of said to myself. I'm not going to think about this anymore today I simply can not.
Then while standing in line waiting to get my cigarette at the counter the CHILD CAME ALIVE!
That FEELING, that BEING that I had been having little glimpses of was THERE and LIVING and BREATHING. The LOVE the JOY and FREEDOM I felt was like it lifted me up out of a dark tomb into LIFE!
I remember seeing the lady that was about to ring me up with my pack of cigarettes and just feeling LOVE for her. I knew she felt it too somehow. The way she smiled back at me and the FEELING of it all. I could tell somehow that what I was feeling she was able to feel too. This might sound silly but it is true.
It was more than just a smile It was the "energy" (?) of it or something. The whole BEINGNESS Living and ACTING at the moment.
Right then and there I was FREE. I KNEW that this was IT FOR ME. And I realized that if this isn't "IT", it will DOOOO!!!!!
There was no desire to seek and to search and to question. There was NO SUFFERING. And really it wasn't like there was simply a lack of suffering, there was JOY, LOVE. I can't even use the word peace because it was more than that.
Maybe I could say it was PEACE ALIVE!!
Maybe that's it.
Maybe with my other teachings and practicing there had been peace. And it felt good.
But The CHILD IS MORE!!
Who needs peace when you have JOY AND LOVE!! I wouldn't even TRADE Joy and Love for peace. For me, peace is a step down from the LOVE AND JOY AND LIVING that the Child gives.
This HAPPINESS, JOY And LOVE IS for me what I am calling PEACE ALIVE!!
Maybe peace is the door to walk through to get to love and joy.
Heck, a graveyard can be peaceful!! In fact when I visit my grandmother’s grave I often note how peaceful it is.
BUT....
The CHILD is WAY MORE THAN THAT!!
The Child is DISNEY WORLD and sharing your cotton candy and skipping along laughing at Micky Mouse and getting hugs from Goofy and not giving two hoots how I look while doing it!
Nonduality teachers led me to peace at times. But there was always this searching and wondering where it is and how do I find it. as the saying goes I was a "miserable seeker".
And wondering what was true. Who was the best teacher to follow.
When I found the CHILD I just KNEW that even if this wasn’t “IT” this was GOOD ENOUGH!!!!!
I could not imagine anything better. There was just a natural dropping away of wanting to search for something more.
It was like I had been wandering in the desert for days and days with no water and then stumbling upon a cool running stream! I would simply start drinking and LOVING it. Without thought anymore, that I needed to find water.
After finding WATER and being in the joy of being quenched I would not being thinking "I wonder if this is the RIGHT stream of water, maybe I should try to find a better one, one that is the True stream that I should drink out of.
NO!!! Once you have found water you KNOW it. You just DRINK!
I knew I had found what I needed and I needed to search no more.
I wonder if this is what Jesus meant when he spoke of living water.
I had found the LIVING water.
The CHILD IS THE LIVING of this. The LIVING WATER
The nonduality search is the walking in the desert looking for it.
I guess we have to walk through the desert.
But the CHILD lets us FINALLY find the WATER.
At first I thought simply finding the Child was too simple.
Now I see!
OF COURSE it's going to be simple since we ALREADY ARE WHAT WE ARE SEEKING!!
It would HAVE to be simple. Anything more would be returning to the desert to search again for water.
The simplicity of the teaching of finding the child even confirms the TRUTH of it.
Wouldn't it HAVE to be simple since we really are it already??
Anything more would only take us away from it.
For so long, so many teachings had me searching.
The Child has me finding!
Even if I say I “found” the Child. A more accurate term is that I’m FINDING the Child.
Coming to know more and more of SELF.
I find a little here and little there. Each day is more self discovery of the Child that I am.
Perhaps it’s infinite.
But the Child really does not think about it. The Child just IS IT.
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If you would like further guidance in understanding any of William Samuel's work based on Self discovery - you are welcome to contact me, Sandy Jones -- samuelandfriends@gmail.com - Ojai, California -
Read more by William Samuel books available on Amazon
The Awareness of Self-Discovery by William Samuel
A Guide To Awareness and Tranquillity by William Samuel
Barefoot at Heart-The Alchemy of Love and the Power of Light by Sandy Jones
Dear Angie (as in Child angle).
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your beautiful beautiful story! My Child Heart jumps with joy and claps my hands in celebration! Welcome Home!
Rose
Wonderful Dear Angie, Wonderful!
ReplyDeleteMy Heart was in empathetic recognition and celebration! How can the Heart not jump with joy and celebrate? Indeed, in coming home I feel we all celebrate together, what a wonder! May the joy and celebration keep growing.
Jacob
Dear Angie - The last few sentences of your email pretty much sums up where I've thankfully found myself this year. Some days are much better than others, but before I was hardly even living. A long time ago someone I knew that worked to help a lot of folks remarked that "with what I found I could overcome any adversity". This wasn't enough for them, but for me, it will most certainly do. If I were going to put things in "Melody of the Woodcutter" terms, it seems that it was a lot easier to put down the axe than trying to pick up the scepter. I believe that gradually the world is starting to make more sense and I'm more at ease. I am happy for you and what you've found!
ReplyDeleteBrian